Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Worth it, but still waiting.

Waiting for my mission call has seemed like a mission all on its own. About a year before I was old enough to go on a mission, I began to plan when I would take time off from my college schedule, when my date of availability would be, and what was the earliest day I could turn in my mission papers. Waiting for the process to begin took long enough.
As I began the process, my medical exams showed irregularities that led to two extra months of examinations, at least 6 doctors, and several tests and procedures. It all began with a heart murmur, which is nothing incredibly irregular. After an echo cardiogram (which is basically a heart ultrasound), more red flags arose and I was referred to a pulmonologist for more answers. Two more cardiologists later, I found myself scheduled for more appointments, to discover if I had pulmonary hypertension or not. The last procedure required me to be admitted to the hospital. As I was sitting in cardiac intensive care, the very week that I had first anticipated receiving a mission call, I wondered if I really wanted to go through more hassle. The final word was that I had a clean bill of health, with a mild, run of the mill heart murmur. Thankful not to have a life changing physical condition, I was and still am glad for the opportunity to find out that I am alright before things became critical.
After medical examinations, I was given a clean bill of health a week later and I was able to continue on with my missionary application. More questions, more confusion, and working with my Stake leaders over the week of Christmas, the delays seemed to pile on and on. And on. And on.
Today is now Wednesday, the day that my call letter was supposed to come. It isn't here. I began my mission papers almost five months ago, and I have been on what I can only call a roller coaster. I have been more frustrated and more sad than I have ever been about any other decision in my life.
Here is the good part. After the delays, after the tears (and there may be more), I know now what I didn't know at the beginning. I know that my life is truly in the Lord's hands. As my mother keeps reminding me, this is just preparation for a mission call that will be exactly what I need, and exactly where the Lord needs me. I know that I am a beloved daughter of God, and that even though I am not his most patient child, I am still blessed beyond measure. I am so excited to go share my testimony with some of my brothers and sisters, and no matter where I go, this journey so far has been worth it.


  1. Tara! I didn't know you were going on a mission! You will be awesome :)

  2. Tara, Tara, Tara!!! Why don't we know about all these issues!?! I'm sorry you had to go through all that, and I am sorry that we didn't know! Your mother is right, you are waiting for just the right call, exactly where you need to be! This is also preparation for other trials to come. But I know that no matter what comes your way, you will be awesome!! You will be a great missionary and we are anxious to hear where you are going, so be sure to let us know!!